Previously, I have written about my goal to replace the (much of the? at least some of the?) snarkiness in LinkedIn postings with graciousness.
Since then, I have had a chance to speak with Surayansh Surana. He is among the world’s top experts on why high-value sales efforts fail. He explains that one of the most common reasons deals go astray is that someone who needs to agree is made to feel foolish about their previous actions.
I have realized that much of my snarkiness needlessly makes someone feel foolish.
In many in-person, one-on-one casual conversations, I needlessly harshly correct someone. Twice in a single 15-minute conversation, I blurted out, “No, that won’t work because…” We won’t mention that in both cases, I didn’t actually know; it was more a from-first-principles off-the-cuff response.
While I am not sure what the best way to have stated my objection/reservation was, I am pretty sure that what I did was far from the best.
I imagine that in these cases, some version of
“I don’t know. I think that …”
would have not only been better but have been good enough.
I don’t yet know what good ways to say these things are.
Probably ways that express curiosity.
Expressing curiosity & exploration is probably easier if I feel it first. That is probably a separate challenge.
What do you say instead of, “You idiot, the obviously stupid“?
That same evening, I got a text thread with an idea that I believe is good in principle but I think is several orders of magnitude off from being practical.
While this is not in the context of sales, Surana’s idea of asking gentle questions so that the person can realize it themselves seems plausible, though it seems like it will be time-consuming. I am estimating twelve questions.
But, fortunately, there is no time pressure.
And, I expect that the person will feel more valued and respected.
And, we may find a way to adapt his idea.
And I may learn that my off-the-cuff “orders of magnitude” dismissal was simply wrong.
I was once warned that if I wasn’t careful, “I might just learn something.” Perhaps even something important.
